My Arch Nemeses
Geez, as if it couldn't get worse- first I have to deal with Psychotic Crazy Phoebevil and now they throw this Garbage Picking Mongrel Akasha, the ghetto bitch from Washington DC at me. I can't catch a freakin' break.

Phoebe is the super-villain that I must protect the public from. She is a Collie/Black Lab mix that hates bunnies and children and cucumbers.

We've employed a number of people to help stop her radical and unacceptable behaviors, however, nothing seems to work. She seems to get more devious and evil by the day.

I can't even play with my toys anymore because she tries to take them away from me. It makes me sad.

We ask for the public's cooperation as well. If you see Phoebe on the street, please take caution. She may be armed and dangerous. The best thing you can do for yourself and your loved ones, is STOP, DROP, and ROLL.

Phoebe was adopted from the Closter Animal Rescue of New Jersey. Where, she should not have been up for adoption to begin with. Phoebe's owners-to-be were duped into believing that this "shy and independent" dog would have no problems living amongst the human race. Little were they aware of the evil forces they would soon be contending with. Soon enough, they realized they'd been trapped between a rock and a pool of razor blades. No one else would adopt Phoebe, the shelter would not take her back, and not wanting her to be "put down", they built a high security fence and borrowed an electric collar from their personal dog trainer.
As for Akasha, the supposed Lab/Akita mix... Well, she just cramps my style and covets my food.
Lynn's sister Teri got this damned dog from a shelter in Washington DC, and then she moved back to New York. And she took the freakin' dog with her. Akasha is a big pain in my ass, she's constantly squeaking toys in my ears when I'm trying to chill out and trying to get me to play with her. Well, it ain't gonna happen. I know the truth about her, she's in cahoots with Phoebe and they are planning on taking over my comfy beds and couches in the house.
This is Akasha when she was a puppy in the shelter.  I wish Teri would have left her there.
Look at her, waiting for falling vegetables...

Don't let her ears and tongue fool you, this little garbage picking mongrel was a stray who grew up on the tough streets of Washington DC. She'll eat raw onions if you give 'em to her, and has been known to finish an entire bowl of food in 30 seconds flat. The digestive noises to follow- well, I'll spare you the details. It's nauseating and she should be put in the yard to eat out of a trough.

Honestly, it's a miracle the batty old English woman that lives next door to us hasn't grabbed this dog and sent her to finishing school... Oh, but I'll finish her... Just you wait. No one cares about manners where she's going...

You'd better leave before they corrupt your mind!!!